FEATURE: Carl Hutchinson – Bunch Of Fives | NARC. | Reliably Informed | Music and Creative Arts News for Newcastle and the North East

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Funny man Carl Hutchinson is bringing a new show at The Stand in Newcastle on Monday 3rd July (more info here), and is always sure to bring a night of top fun to any home gig. Performing shows all over the country brings its fun too, and also its challenges, so here’s Carl’s top five things he can’t live without as a travelling train comedian. Over to you Carl…

Phone /Laptop
These are essential when travelling up to ten hours a day on trains. They can make all the difference; they turn a horrendous, agonising journey into an almost bearable one. A fully stocked laptop packed with your favourite shows or a phone with all your podcasts can certainly distract you from any hen-do at York; gobshite at Liverpool or business-wanker at London.

But what is a phone or laptop without these? Assuming you were brought up to know playing your music or TV show for the whole train to hear is rude, you are nothing without your headphones. It must be a generational thing. I notice more and more people playing music without their headphones, it’s always shite music too; like, really crap music. Almost music for people who don’t know anything about music. On the flip side, the generation before us seem to be impervious to headphones and will happily just start talking to me with my headphones in. If I were in charge of trains I think I’d have individual phone-box-like cubicles. I realise this is probably reading like the diary of a lunatic.

Slack Pants / Trainers
Or the ‘homeless’ look as it’s otherwise known. I’ll never understand jeans on a long journey, I like to be as comfortable as possible on a long journey, which usually means it’s horrendous for other people who have to sit opposite me.

Service stations / Train station shops
And what journey is complete without loading up on crap to eat? Going out I’ll usually keep it civilised; bottle of water, sometimes a coffee (black or latte on weekends), Walker’s Baked during the week (cheese and onion), Thai Sweet chilli Walkers Sensations on the weekends; chocolate can range from a Galaxy Caramel, Kinder Bueno or even a M&S chocolate cheesecake. Savoury I think I’m a Pret guy, chicken and bacon caesar sandwich.
Coming home that’s a different story, you can drink then! 8 Coronas please! London kings Cross is the best for food, they have a Burrito place, there’s a 5 Guys there too which I fully intend to take advantage of once I get the temperature to departure time sorted. I’ve honestly cut shows short before just to ensure I have a decent meal on the train home. Sorry London!

I’ve never understood a suit cover. You iron your shirt at home, put it in a bag and then fold it up to put on a train. An iron at the venue is an essential, if admittedly  boring choice. You’ll be amazed how many times I’ve had this conversation at a hotel or venue:

Me: “Excuse me, do you have an iron please?”

Some Absolute Bellend: “Hmm… we have an ironing board, I know that!…”

Me: **Wishes death on him**

Carl Hutchinson brings his new show to The Stand, Newcastle on Monday 3rd July.

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