Dream Show: Bled | NARC. | Reliably Informed | Music and Creative Arts News for Newcastle and the North East

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Newcastle’s bubblegum goth-pop duo Bled will be going all in on a big cheesy love fest at Zerox on Saturday 17th February. The My Bleddy Valentine event is jam-packed with sounds from local big-hitters (including Cortney Dixon, Bled, MXYM, Gaydar, Oiler and Cooper Robson), a poet and a runway by a local fashion designer and a barber. Zerox will also be running a local art market in the main room during the day with themed decor.
 
In anticipation of this big day, Bled tell us what their dream show would look like…

The venue is Warhol’s factory the day he was shot (not killed), for the added drama. The host is the one and only Jools Holland, except he’s possessed and every time he opens his mouth industrial dark-wave spews forth. The stage is set in the round and the crowd are circling it in a lazy river of red wine. We descend to open the show on zip wires, reminiscent of Pinks recent performances. We don’t play any music, just behave in an Ant and Dec’ish manner. 

Once the crowd has run out of tomatoes to throw, we’ll disappear in a puff of smoke, leaving in our place Jobriath. He plays an amazing set and gets all of the recognition that he deserved from a more modern crowd who are much kinder to gay men. As the last note of the harpsichord from ‘Imaman’ rings out, Morrissey and Robert Smith ascend from trapdoors and begin a duel to the death. Morrissey dies – phew!
 
While this is all going on, waiters are handing out snacks to the crowd as they sup their wine. Everyone’s snack tastes different, like their favourite home-cooked meal. 
 
Once the rest of Morrissey has been cleaned off the stage, Grace Jones backflips out of the lazy river, where she’s been holding her breath for some time. She performs ‘Pull Up to the Bumper’ remixed by SOPHIE, who has come back from the dead just for the show. Lastly, as if this couldn’t get any better, the hour strikes Chico time! Chico performs his seminal hit ‘It’s Chico Time’ wearing a full leather outfit made from Simon Cowell’s skin.
 

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