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Kai Palmer enjoys a comedy show of epic silliness courtesy of the Metroland crew
Image by Kai Palmer
Live Theatre hosted a string of Edinburgh Fringe Previews last week, giving audiences on Newcastle’s Quayside exciting first-looks at some of the best stage shows on offer before they head over the Scottish Borders for one of Europe’s largest and busiest art festivals.
Metroland Live: As Seen On TV closed out the week of sneak-peeks with a good old course of laughter as they rip into the most ridiculous corners of North East culture whilst tapping into distant TV memories we never thought would be brought to the surface again.
A rite of passage for any Tyneside-themed viewing commences the show with a how-to speak-Geordie sketch, where a Steve Irwin lookalike with a floppy blonde wig helps us get to grips with the basics of talking to us ineligible creatures; starting with “aareeeet” and then repeating what they say back with an enthusiastic “whey aye man”. Poking fun at ourselves is something we know how to do up here and so the makeshift wildlife explorer next explains, dangerously, how to best rile up a Geordie… “Take him London and tell him pint costs £9” to which the Newcastle United-clad subject on stage suddenly becomes enraged. How about taming a Geordie? According to the Metroland crew, you get him a Greggs sausage roll of course – but not a vegan sausage roll, they clarify, as he turns his face up at the meat-free alternative, gathering a few snickers. ‘Steve Irwin’ then holds his hand out in the same way the real Irwin would’ve carefully fed meat to a crocodile.
They reach a little further back and even bring us a Mr Tumble spoof with one of the actors dolled up as a mail bag with letters from the show’s young viewers stating what they would like from him. Ripping into Northern stereotypes with a boy from Hartlepool asked for “a scratch card, a scratch card, a scratch card… oh and another scratch card!” Another letter from a different youngster quickly spirals into a desire to stop the boats – this one is firmly placed through the shredder, of course. A gag that actually nicely firms the reputation of Metroland Comedy, as they show we can laugh at ourselves and dissect the weird parts of our everyday lives, but one thing we’re most definitely not is racist.
It seems the world is filled with Bob Ross paint-a-longs these days, and so it’s hardly surprising the legendary painter was in for a bit of light mockery as this version of him delicately presents a skirting board and an electricity socket on a canvas and easel. Ross’s job is to show us rough and tough Northerners how to try our very best to paint around them using masking tape as we giggle at the thought of our own dodgy paint jobs back home.
Even Channel 4’s The Jump gets a quick mention, bearing in mind the show finished in 2017 – the rumours of its cancellation after its fourth season range from low ratings to the fact it was just too dangerous. It was actually a frightening concept in hindsight, and the humour of that has not been lost on the cast and writers of this show as one of them prepares to take the leap… before a doll falls limp onto the stage before being dragged away: likely the stuff of Davina McCall’s nightmares between the 2014 and 2017 when the show was broadcast.
The show begins its wind-down with a not-so-relaxing bedtime story as CBeebies’ In The Night Garden theme tune subtlety plays. Even those who don’t have kids but also weren’t in the target demographic for the show somehow have this engrained in their minds due to its peculiar, and rather unsettling, characters. A stressed Dad screams at his puppet-children to get to bed whilst attempting to read audience member, dubbed “Lauren from Kent”, The Boy Who Cried Wolf before a burglary takes place right before his eyes. Each of the burglars confesses, “Ah man, I wouldn’t have burgled you if I knew you were in!”, before casually leaving with “See you at church”. The poor Dad’s bad luck didn’t end there as a nosey neighbour with a thick, Geordie accent has a go at him for the racket keeping her awake… but she doesn’t believe his excuses anymore or that could possibly have been burgled again…rounding it up into a nice and ridiculous, moral-of-the-story moment.
The show contains the kind of silliness and self-deprecation we need sometimes to take the edge off and remind us not to take anything too seriously.
If you can make it to the Edinburgh Fringe, and seeing the superbly silly antics and ideas of Metroland Comedy will make the trip so worth it, their stint is from 5th-30th August at Jack Dome at Pleasance Dome.
