Bunch Of Fives: Matt Wheelwright

Local comedian Matthew Wheelwright brings his debut show Built Different to The Stand, Newcastle on Sunday 29th June, as part of New Directions—a series directed by Lee Kyle spotlighting emerging talent from the region.

In this bold and personal set, Matthew explores life as a test-tube baby and how his conception has shaped his identity and outlook. With IVF back in the cultural spotlight thanks to last year’s Joy and A Child of Science, Built Different offers a fresh perspective—shifting the focus to the voices of those born through it.

Due to the nature of the topic of the show, Matthew tells us about his top 5 tubes…

Test This one is an obvious inclusion on the list given the nature of my conception and because they are arguably the quintessential piece of lab equipment. While people with a background in chemistry may favour the boiling tube, I prefer the more svelte design of this guy. The bonus benefit they provide is that, if you’re having a science-themed party, they make an excellent and novel alternative to shot glasses (obviously, don’t use ones which have come into contact with other reagents). 

Inner Cyclists who are reading this, this one is for you! Inner tubes are a key part of some pneumatic tyres, a development which separates them from old-matic tyres. There aren’t a pair of Lycra shorts in the world which are padded enough to protect you from the spine-shatteringly uncomfortable journey that would be provided by solid rubber tyres. Plus, they can be ridden separately whilst being pulled by a boat if you were to go tubing. They provide endless fun, although not as much as the next entry on my list.

Groan If you aren’t familiar with them, these are the brightly coloured plastic tubes which make a noise when you tilt them and, in my opinion, they are the most whimsical of all the tubes. The pure joy you feel upon visiting the gift shop of a local attraction and seeing one of these on the shelves is incomparable. Arguably, there are more tuneful tubular musical instruments out there but none of them produce a sound which can instantly transport you to a simpler time in your life. The noise itself is just joyous, although I imagine that there could be many parents at their wits’ end who may disagree with this statement!

Cathode-Ray Speaking of feelings of nostalgia. Those of us of a certain age will remember the warm, fuzzy feeling you could get from touching the screen of an old CRT TV or monitor due to the layer of static that built up on it. The screens which used them were bulky and unwieldy hefty and the picture quality they produced was incredibly low resolution by modern standards but seeing them creates a warm, fuzzy feeling in my soul (this is hopefully not due to static). 

The London Underground This is The Tube and it would be wrong of me to not include it in a top 5 list of the best ones. According to an article from 2023, it is used by around 4 million people a day to get them from A to B. Therefore, while it may not be a perfect method of public transport, it is demonstrably effective. If the North East had the level of governmental investment that London receives every year, then perhaps the Metro could be of the same calibre, but I digress.