MIXTAPE: Cinderella & The Beanstalk cast | NARC. | Reliably Informed | Music and Creative Arts News for Newcastle and the North East

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Words: Hal Branson, Hannah Walker, Sammy Dobson & Lee Kyle

We are, I suppose, a group of friends who made a pantomime last year and are making another one this December. There are four of us, Hal Branson (comedian and star of the Money Guru adverts), Hannah Walker (actor and wine obsessive), Sammy Dobson (comedian, vaguely recognisable as ‘her off that thing’ on TV) and Lee Kyle (comedian, host of Which Is The Best? podcast with Sammy).

We’re performing our alternative and affordable family pantomime Cinderella & The Beanstalk at The Stand Comedy Club in Newcastle from Saturday 7th-Monday 30th December.

It’s a more modern version of a panto, for people who like panto but also for people who don’t. Last year, North East Theatre Guide named us as one of the three best pantomimes in the region. We wouldn’t know, we didn’t see any others.

The following is a list of songs that have inspired songs in this year’s show. By which we mean we’ve ripped them off.

B*WitchedC’est La Vie
Look, the song choices get a bit more leftfield but this is a nice start to a show. Like the best pop music for young kids, it’s way better than it has to be. We like the bits where they say stuff.

Hal plays Jack, a cockney who once cut down a beanstalk. So, what better than a rip off of Parklife where he shouts “Beanstalk!” instead? Well, loads of things obviously but it’s still going to happen.

Sex PistolsAnarchy In The UK
Lee plays Andrew the Giant, an average size man who thinks he’s massive and scary. He’s not at all scary though, even when singing Anarchy In The UK or when he’s trying to eat kids.

Salt-N-PepaPush it
Sammy plays the Ugly Sisters (Ugly is their surname), Salt (horrible girl) and Pepper (a Goth) and does a version of Push It with Cinderella (Hannah), because all kids these days know about DJ Spinderella.

Ian Dury & The BlockheadsReasons to be Cheerful
With new lyrics that cheer up Andrew (“Jumping in a puddle, Lizzo”, that sort of thing) as he tries in turn to cheer Pepper up. It won’t really work, she’s a Goth, you know how they are.

Marilyn MansonTainted Love
Yeah, the Soft Cell version is loads better but this one is much scarier and what better way to end the first half of a pantomime than making kids worry that a Disney Princess is definitely not going to escape?

Elton JohnI’m Still Standing
This one is in for two reasons:
1. Sammy has seen that Elton John film A LOT
2. Our new lyric “Eating up a little kid”
In all honesty, Lee and Hannah are struggling to sing this one so, if it ends up not being cut, just know it’s because we’ve tried very hard.

The SweetBallroom Blitz
We roped in some talented friends to appear as on-screen characters this year. Our Fairy Godmother is played by Amy Gledhill, (as seen on Harry Hill’s Club Nite and recently nominated for an Edinburgh Comedy Award) and she sings this song at the ball for no better reason than that it sounds really funny in her accent. Hull.

Queen & David BowieUnder Pressure
Used for a big climactic scene where Salt and Pepper have a big fight. It gets well tense. How are we going to do this since they are both played by the same person? Erm…not sure yet but we’ll work it out. Lee wants it noted that he hates Queen.

The RembrandtsI’ll Be There For You
It’s the theme from Friends, the song has a pretty nice message about sticking together rather than the old pantomime message of ‘Happily Ever After’. Kids don’t buy that these days; they’re on the internet.

Because we really like it and there’s a line about a goose (Golden).

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