FEATURE: Stuart Goldsmith – Bunch Of Fives | NARC. | Reliably Informed | Music and Creative Arts News for Newcastle and the North East

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Set to bring a brand new hour of funny to The Stand in Newcastle on Tuesday 14th  March, comedian Stuart Goldsmith was kind enough to join us for a new Bunch Of Fives. The subject in question, his top five robots of course. So before you go watch a show filled with smart, engaging comedy, (or if you haven’t already check out the revered Comedian’s Comedian podcast which he hosts here), find out which five robots are top, over to you Stu…

The Bomb Disposal Robot
He’s the best, he’s just so humble!  He’s like a little Wall-E guy who knows he’s going to get blown up and presses on because he BELIEVES IN HIMSELF.

A Cashpoint Machine
These are right up themselves.  I love their sneering attitude; ever since getting a single fiver out of a cashpoint and being told to wait while he “counts” my money. “One…  Aaaand there we go.”  Would I like a receipt for my money?  Why, so I can know how much of it I don’t have left?  Can I return it somehow if I keep the receipt? THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE AND YOU KNOW IT, YOU GREEN-FACED BASTARD.

An I.E.D
You’ve got to respect that kind of commitment to the job.

The Supermarket Check-Out Robots
Another bunch of humble lads and lasses; “What is it?” a red pepper. “Can you look it up for me?”  Sure, beep. “How many is it?”  YOU’RE WEIGHING IT AREN’T YOU?

The Airport X-ray Machine
I try and get so incredibly ready for this guy that his human attendant high-fives me.  Belt off, T-shirt tucked into jeans so he can see belt is off, pockets pulled out so he can see there’s nothing in them.  Never got a high-five, but I guy at Dubai airport said “I love you man”.  His X-raying overlord disintegrated him, naturally, but it was a kind gesture.

Stuart Goldsmith is at The Stand, Newcastle on Tuesday 14th March.

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