FEATURE: Awkward Conversations with Animals I’ve Fucked @ Alphabetti Theatre | NARC. | Reliably Informed | Music and Creative Arts News for Newcastle and the North East

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In what may be one of the more bizarre stage shows you see this year, Rob Hayes’ black tragi-comedy about love, acceptance and boundaries – Awkward Conversations with Animals I’ve Fucked – comes to Alphabetti Theatre in Newcastle from Tuesday 8th-Saturday 12th October in what’s been described as a ‘psychological examination of loneliness’, taking on themes of toxic masculinity, healthy social connections and animal welfare.

Here, performer Linus Karp talks to us from the perspective of the protagonist in the show to give some…interesting insight:

I’ll fall for you if
You look at me the same way you look at the squirrels in the park.

What I’d like to know about you
Standard stuff: your interests, favourite places for a nice walk, when you were last dewormed.

Most spontaneous thing I’ve done
Broke into a zoo. 

What I wanted to be when I grow up
Wildlife researcher. Still very much into “researching” wildlife.

An overshare
I’ve dated a lot of bitches.

My favourite game to play at parties

I get along best with people who
Have four legs.

Fact about me that surprises people
Nothing really, I’m a really normal guy! 🙂

This year, I really want to
Find my white tiger. 

I know the best spot in town for
Scratching posts. 

I’m weirdly attracted to

My personal brand is

I bet you can’t
Read. But I don’t mind as long as you’re furry.

I’m convinced that
Specism will be looked down upon in the future.

I’ll know I found the one when
My neighbours calls the police.


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