FEATURE: Lost Voice Guy – Bunch Of Fives | NARC. | Reliably Informed | Music and Creative Arts News for Newcastle and the North East

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We caught up with Lost Voice Guy (aka Lee Ridley), who has previously won the BBC New Comedy Award and has recently had a sitcom commissioned by BBC Radio Four, ahead of him performing his new show Inspiration Porn at both Jesterval and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

The show, which takes place at Jesterval on Friday 28th July, sees him poking fun at becoming an unintentional inspiration on the internet and tries to prove to you why he shouldn’t be an inspiration after all. This new Bunch Of Fives has Lee sharing his five biggest inspirations, so over to you Lee…

MY DISABLED MATE, BILLY, AGED 6 AND AN HALF 
I hate it when people call me an inspiration….because I’m not. I can’t even wipe my other arse properly for a start! Despite this, I’m inspired by disabled people all the time. But not just because they’re disabled. Take my mate, Billy, for example. He inspires me because he has taught me that I can use a trouser hanger to hold open my book. He inspires me because he uses his mum’s hair straighteners to pick up stuff off the floor. And he inspires me by the way he takes advantage of the Make A Wish Foundation to get a free trip to Disney Land. 

MAX FROM GUESS WHO 
As the only foreigner on the original Guess Who board, Max was such an inspiration to me when I was growing up. He didn’t care that he was different from all the other characters, he didn’t care that the others probably pointed and stared at him, and he didn’t care that he looked like a badly drawn version of Super Mario after gaining some weight. Max was my favourite because he stood up for an inclusive society. And, when someone knocked him down, he got straight back up again. What a guy! I often wonder what Max got up to after his Guess Who days…….he was probably forced to leave the country by fellow Guess Who character, Peter, after Brexit. 

THAT CRAP CONTESTANT ON THE X FACTOR
You know the one, right? The one who can’t sing to save their lives, but has an amazing sob story about their Grandma’s cousin who once had a blind dog that got run over….twice. What an inspiration. As someone who can’t sing at all, it is very reassuring that you don’t need any ability to make a success of your life. You just need to make  people feel sorry for you. So you can expect to see me on The X Factor soon. Obviously, choosing which song to sing to the judges will be hard. Shout by LuLu is an obvious candidate, as is Don’t Speak by No Doubt. But, sometimes I think I say it best when I say nothing at all.

THE RAGGY DOLLS 
The Raggy Dolls are pretty inspirational because of the amount of discrimination they had to put up with. The theme tune reminds us that ‘it’s not much of a life when you’re just a pretty face. Just to be whoever you are is no disgrace. Don’t be scared if you don’t fit in’. 
Very well done to the writers of the Raggy Dolls for promoting diversity and inclusion years ahead of your time. I salute you. So far, so good. 
But wait, what’s the next line? ‘Look at who’s in the reject bin.’  Excuse me? What is this about a reject bin? Aren’t the Raggy Dolls allowed to play with the normal dolls? Just because they’re a bit different, doesn’t mean they belong in the reject bin! Are the writers of the Raggy Dolls members of the Conservatives or something?! Sad Sack is an inspiration for putting up with this shit! 

HARVEY PRICE
Katie Price’s son – Harvey – is an inspiration for disabled people everywhere. When he dropped the ‘c’ bomb while appearing on Loose Women last year, he proved that disabled people could get away with anything if they played the disability card. 
Following on from his heroic efforts, I have recently made a disability card which I now carry everywhere with me. If I want to sit down on a busy train, I pull out the disability card.   If I want tickets to a sold out music concert, I pull out the disability card.   If I see an attractive girl, who is way out of my league, but obviously has a conscience and who would probably sleep with me out of sympathy, I pull out more than just the disability card! 

You can see Lost Voice Guy’s new show at Jesterval on Friday 28th July.

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